Shiyin
I
was born in a religious family, and I have many relatives who are
preachers. From the time I was young, I followed my parents in believing
in the Lord. After I grew up, I addressed to the Lord in prayer: If I
could find a husband who believed in the Lord, I would offer myself up
together with him in service to the Lord. After I got married, my
husband really did believe in the Lord, and in fact became a full time
devoted preacher. In order for my husband to feel at ease in his work
for the sake of the Lord, and to be able to fulfill his commitment in
the presence of the Lord, I actively undertook the burdens of running a
household. Although it was a little bit difficult and tiring, my heart
was filled with joy and peace no matter how much suffering I endured
because I had the Lord as my support.
After 1997, I discovered
that my husband no longer had much light he used to have in his
preaching. When I got him to do some housework, he would always make
excuses about being busy with his preaching work, and would often become
enraged with me because of a few little things. I was resentful of my
husband’s behavior and was no longer as perfectly happy to do the
housework as I had been before. The difficult burdens of household life
and the darkness of my spirit caused me to live in agony, but there was
no one who I could turn to tell what I was feeling. All I could do was
come into the presence of God and pray in the dead of night when
everyone was asleep, and ask the Lord to give me more faith and
strength. At the same time, I yearned for the Lord to return quickly.
One
day in April of 2000, when I was arranging the clothes, I found my
husband’s bag. I noticed that it was bulging, so I pulled open the
zipper out of curiosity and saw that there were a Bible and a book of
hymn inside. There was also a new book which was bound in an outer
cover. I thought to myself: “How have I never seen this book before? It
has to be some kind of reference book, or a book containing the
experiences of some spiritual person. I have to read it, because it
might be of some help to me.” Led along by my curiosity, I saw a title
which read, “Those Who Are to Be Made Perfect Must Undergo Refinement.”
“What a fresh and uncommon title!” I thought, “Judging by the title,
refinement is not a bad thing! I am now in a state of refinement that is
beyond my abilities, so I have to read carefully how he experiences
refinement and thus I can find the way from within that.” At that, I
began to read: “It used to be that people would all make their
resolutions in front of God and say: ‘No matter who doesn’t love God, I
must love Him.’ But now, you are faced with refinement. It is not in
line with your notions, so you lose faith in God. Is this genuine love?
You have read many times about the deeds of Job—have you forgotten about
them? … When you face sufferings you must be able to not consider the
flesh and not complain against God. When God hides Himself from you, you
must be able to have the faith to follow Him, to maintain your previous
love without allowing it to falter or disappear. No matter what God
does, you must submit to His design, and be more willing to curse your
own flesh than to complain against Him. When you are faced with trials
you must satisfy God in spite of any reluctance to part with something
you love, or bitter weeping. Only this can be called true love and
faith. No matter what your actual stature is, you must first possess the
will to suffer hardship as well as true faith, and you must have the
will to forsake the flesh. You should be willing to personally endure
hardships and suffer losses to your personal interests in order to
satisfy God’s will. You must also have a heart of regretting yourself,
that you weren’t able to satisfy God in the past, and be able to regret
yourself now. Not a single one of these can be lacking and God will
perfect you through these things. If you lack these conditions, you
cannot be perfected” (“Those Who Are to Be Made Perfect Must Undergo
Refinement” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). I was reading and crying
at the same time, as the words were saying exactly my circumstances.
Before I had resolved to dedicate myself and my husband to the Lord, and
that I would be completely content to do so no matter how painful or
exhausting it was. Now, however, because of difficulties at home and my
husband’s lack of consideration, I always felt that I have been
especially wronged, living in a state of undergoing refinement, and
losing the faith and love I had once had. I was unable to maintain the
resolution I had made in the presence of God, and would often cry alone
in secret. I thought about how Job was able to stand witness to God in
the midst of such a great and arduous trial, and not lose faith in God,
and had even said, “Jehovah gave, and Jehovah has taken away; blessed be
the name of Jehovah” (Job 1:21). How could I have forgotten that? I
then felt deeply regretful about all that I had done in the presence of
God: Others would rather suffer hardships and lose out on their
interests and yet still want to satisfy God. I had believed in the Lord
for so many years, but had lost faith in the Lord. I complained to the
Lord while enduring refinement, and where did I express any love for the
Lord at all? With this in mind, I secretly made the inward
determination, that I could no longer be as I had been before, that I
should support my husband in the work he was doing for the Lord, and
that it was right for me to suffer a bit of hardship.
When I was
thinking like this, all of a sudden I felt much better emotionally. I
felt these words were very well spoken, and were able to get to the
heart of my actual circumstances. I felt they were able to point out the
way to me and cause faith and strength to unconsciously arise within
me. I thought to myself: “Who was it who said these words? How was his
knowledge so lofty? I have read some books written by well-known
spiritual people, and although those books have been of benefit to some
people, they were not written in as clear and elucidating a way as this
book, nor one which possessed truth. Really, who was it who spoke these
words?” I was drawn by this book to continue reading on, and the more I
read the more I felt that these words were spoken so well. Each and
every line spoke directly to my inmost heart. From these words I
understood that no matter how great one’s suffering is, he must follow
God to the very end. In the face of suffering, one must willingly submit
to God. If one becomes weak in the face of trial, he should have faith,
and rely on God to stand firm. The more I read, the more I felt
illuminated in my heart and the more I had a way to put into practice.
It was right then that my husband came home, and I asked him right away,
“Where did you get this book?” My husband smiled and said, “I borrowed
it from somebody, and I have to give it back to him soon.” I really
wanted to keep reading the book, and I said, “I also want to read this
book.” My husband said, smiling, “Then pray! God may make it so.”
One day, when I was cooking, I was listening off and on to some hymn my husband had playing, “Who
is not adoring? Who doesn’t long to see God? … God once shared joys and
sorrows with man, and today He has been reunited with mankind, and
shares tales of times gone by with him. After He walked out of Judea,
people could find no trace of Him. They yearn to once more meet with
God, little knowing that today they have again met with Him, and been
reunited with Him. How could this not stir thoughts of yesterday? Two
thousand years ago today, Simon Bar-Jonah, the descendant of the Jews,
beheld Jesus the Savior, he ate at the same table as Him, and after
following Him for many years felt a deeper affection for Him: He loved
Him to the bottom of his heart, he loved the Lord Jesus profoundly. How
about us today? Today God has been reunited with mankind, and shares
tales of times gone by with him” (“Two Thousand Years of Longing” in
Follow the Lamb and Sing New Songs). The lyrics of this hymn gave voice
to my own thoughts and evoked my feeling of longing for the return of
the Lord. I wept as I listened, and thought to myself: “Ever since I
first believed in the Lord, I have thought of the Lord Jesus every day,
and hoped that He might return more quickly so that I could share tales
of times gone by with Him. These lyrics were so genuine and moving, and
even more were able to express people’s longing for the Lord.” I then
put down what I was working on and listened with full attention, hearing
another hymn called “Seek Only a Heart That Loves God.” “I ask for nothing in my life but that my thoughts of love for God and my heart’s desire be accepted by God.”
I thought, “Who wrote this hymn? How can his resolution be so great?
This hymn is greatly motivating for me, and how pure is the heart that
loves God as it says in the line, ‘ask for nothing in my life but that
my thoughts of love for God!’” Before, when I believed in the Lord, I
did not know to love the Lord, and just want to enjoy the grace, peace,
and joy of the Lord. Today, this hymn greatly opened my worldview, and I
saw the people who believe in God must love God, and they must not seek
anything for themselves and only this kind of love can be pure. This
hymn is well expressed. I then secretly resolved in my heart that I too
wanted to pursue this goal, and that I would love the Lord no matter who
didn’t love Him.
After reading the words in that book, as well as
hearing those hymns, I then went to act in accord with those words.
When my husband went out to work again and had no time to help with the
housework, my heart wasn’t as distressed as it had been before. If the
brothers and sisters had any flaws or mistakes in what they said, I
could also forgive them for it, because I wanted to make God content. I
wanted only to seek a heart that loves God like the hymn had sung about.
In
the blink of an eye, the time for planting the fields had come. One
evening, my husband was tidying up and said to me, “Tomorrow, I will
head out to work in a church in another area.” I said immediately, “Will
you be able to come back after a few days?” He said, “I don’t know.
I’ll try my best to come back earlier, so you don’t have to worry about
the housework.” When I heard what he said, my face darkened, and I
thought, “You say don’t worry about it, but how can I not worry? You’re
going off without any idea of when you’ll be back, and the fields in
other people’s houses have already been sown. Our field has not yet even
been plowed, and if the seeds are planted late, in fall there won’t be a
good harvest. When that time comes, what will we do? If only my husband
would finish sowing his field and then go off to assist the brothers
and sisters!” In the evening of that same day, I lay in my bed unable to
sleep wracked by great turmoil in my heart: The last time my husband
traveled for more than half a month before coming back, but then it
hadn’t been the season for farm work. Now, the crucial time for farm
work has arrived, and if he is gone for another half a month, what will I
do? I might just have to get him to go find his co-worker to do the
work and be done with it. But I thought about it again: “That won’t do,
as the brothers and sisters are waiting for him to go assist them. If he
doesn’t go, won’t that be an offense against the Lord?” In the state of
being refined, I came into the presence of God and prayed: “Lord! It
isn’t that I am unwilling for my husband to go and assist the brothers
and sisters, just that it’s the right time when our household should be
working the fields. In my heart, I am enduring quite an intense refining
indeed, and I don’t know what to do. Lord! I ask for Your help, to
safeguard my heart and not let me be disturbed by these things.” After I
prayed, these words occurred very clearly to me in my mind: “No
matter what your actual stature is, you must first possess the will to
suffer hardship as well as true faith, and you must have the will to
forsake the flesh. You should be willing to personally endure hardships
and suffer losses to your personal interests in order to satisfy God’s
will” (“Those Who Are to Be Made Perfect Must Undergo Refinement” in
The Word Appears in the Flesh). These words instantly took hold of my
heart, and brought a clarifying light to it: That’s right! If someone
wants to satisfy the Lord, he must have the resolution to endure
hardship and should rather suffer physically and endure losses in his
interests in order to satisfy the will of God! These words gave me
faith, and I thought: If the fields are planted a bit late, then so be
it! However much we harvest is up to God, and the most important thing
is my husband working for the Lord’s sake. With this in mind, I felt
light and liberated in my heart, and before I knew it I had fallen
asleep. On the morning of the next day, I said to my husband: “Be at
ease and go work in the service of the Lord! Whenever you come back, it
doesn’t matter. I submit to God’s arrangement.” When I thought about
what I was doing was satisfying the Lord, I felt joy and steadiness in
my heart.
My husband came back after a few days, and I found that
he seemed to have changed into another person. He helped me with the
housework, and said to me: “You’re working too hard! These last few
years have been difficult enough for you, doing everything both inside
and outside of the house. I’m aware of this. Before, I would often go
out to work, not helping share the burdens of housework with you. In the
future, I will do more when I have time.” Hearing his words, I was very
moved because my husband had never spoken like this before. I thought
to myself: “Ever since my husband read that book, there has been a big
transformation in him. Not only does he preach with great light, but his
attitude toward me is different than it had been before. Reading the
Bible hadn’t resulted in any such changes in him in the past, but after
reading that book he had transformed so much in such a short time. It
seems the words in this book really have the power to change people!” At
the same time I sensed that the words in this book had been of great
benefit to me. After reading it, I had faith and strength, and when I
acted in accord with the words in that book, the dissatisfaction I felt
with my husband went away. After my husband read this book, his attitude
toward me also changed, and he understood how to be considerate of me
and take care of me. All these changes made me even more think that the
words in this book were really powerful and authoritative! But really,
who was it who had written the words in this book? I had never found the
answer to this.
One day, two months later, my husband said he
wanted to take me with him to attend a gathering. I had a feeling that
this gathering would be something very special, otherwise my husband
wouldn’t take me with him to listen to it. I was filled with
anticipation in my heart, and looked forward to seeing that book again.
The following day, my husband and I, together with two sisters, were
sitting happily in a vehicle on the way to a sister’s house. There were
many brothers and sisters taking part in that gathering, among them a
sister in her thirties who integrated the Bible and fellowshiped about
many truths about God’s work in the last days to us. When I was
listening to what the sister fellowshiped about, I felt a special kind
of brightness in my heart, and I came to thoroughly understand many
passages of the Bible and about God returning to do the work of judgment
that I hadn’t understood before. I thought to myself, “How can she
fellowship about this so well, and communicate the Bible so clearly? How
does she have so much understanding?” Then, the sister, her face filled
with a smile, said loudly to us, “I’ll tell brothers and sisters an
excellent piece of information that will excite people’s hearts. The
Lord Jesus for whom we have long yearned has returned incarnate among us
to do His new work, to express the word and open up all the mysteries,
to lay bare the three stages of God’s work and His six-thousand-year
management plan, as well as the incarnation of God and the mysteries of
the Bible. Today, the content of what I fellowship about all comes from
the words that have been expressed by God.” The brothers and sisters and
I who were sitting heard this great news, and finally understood why
the sister had understood so much. It turns out it had all been told to
her by the voice of the Lord who had returned. Now we too heard the
voice of the Lord, and we all happily embraced each other, shed tears of
excitement, and the whole place began to quiver with enthusiasm. I was
so happy that I felt like jumping for joy, and thought: All along I have
been hoping for the Lord Jesus to return a bit earlier. Two thousand
years have passed, but now the Lord really has returned! While I am
alive, I am able to welcome the Lord Jesus’s return, and for that I am
truly blessed!
Soon, when the time came for us to disperse, the
sisters gave each of us a book called Judgment Begins With the House of
God. Holding onto the book of the word of God, I suddenly thought of
that book from before. Could it be that it is this book? When I got back
home, I impatiently asked my husband, “The book that I saw that day—is
it the same word of God that the sister mentioned today?” My husband
smiled and said, “It is.” At that time, it was like I was waking up from
a dream. That voice comes from God after all, is the voice of the
incarnation of the returned Lord Jesus, and is the voice of God! No
wonder these words could be so moving to me, give me faith and strength,
change my corrupt disposition, and take me out of suffering. Then, I
blamed my husband, saying, “You have received the new work of God; why
did you conceal it from me?” My husband said, “At the time I really
wanted to tell you, but most of the people in your family are preachers
in the church, and I was afraid that you might not understand when I
explained it. I was afraid that your relatives would find out about it,
and once they came out to disturb and hinder you, not only would this
cause you to lose your opportunity to receive salvation, but also it
would have made me become an evil person!” Hearing what my husband said,
my misunderstanding of my husband vanished, and I was all the more
thankful to God for saving me. I resolved to read this book well.
Through
reading the word of Almighty God, my parched spirit obtained
nourishment and sustenance…. I never thought that I would be able to
hear the word of the returned Lord with my own ears, to be raised up
into the presence of God, to meet face-to-face with God, and I felt
especially grateful to God for His love and salvation. After over 10
days, my husband and I together with the sisters who spread the gospel
got together, and took the brothers and sisters of our church who had
true faith in the Lord over to meet Almighty God. All honor and glory be
unto God!
from The books of Eastern Lightning How I Turned Back to Almighty God
Recommendation：
Know more of the Church of Almighty God
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